


Clever, Clever, Never Been Better

by FrozenHearts



Series: I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends [7]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), James Bond (Craig movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bond and Clint are brothers, Canon Compliant, Creepy, F/M, First Meetings, Gareth Mallory is M, Hacking, Kidnapped Q, Kidnapping, M/M, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Skyfall, Raoul Silva is Alive, Rescue, Rescue Missions, Secret Intelligence Service | MI6, Threats
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-03-06 13:24:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18851950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenHearts/pseuds/FrozenHearts
Summary: Tony is working on his computers when he gets an SOS message from an unknown source.Maybe it has something to do with the sudden appearance of Clint's secret brother.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I loved Skyfall and I loved Q but I couldn't help feeling like Bond looked similar to Hawkeye and this came about

The farm was a nice place, Tony had to admit. With acres of farmland and horses running around, it looked like something out of one of those cheesy horse movies; the ones where a girl moves and has no friends, then she befriends a crazy horse and all is well or something like that. Laura had taken the kids to some park in town, leaving Clint with run of the house. Toys were constantly underfoot and after being alone with the guy for almost two hours since the family left, Tony had to constantly fend off stray cheerios from getting into the keyboard of his laptop.

Well, multiple laptops, but Tony was like that. A workaholic, as Pepper always called him. 

"So what exactly are you doing behind Pepper's back?" Clint asked, flipping through a kid's book at the table. 

"I dunno, does Laura know you're going behind her back with the spy stuff?" Tony retorted. He kept tapping away at his computer, brushing crumbs off his keyboard again. He had to get through this design before Pepper found out about it; numbers flashed along a blue screen- left arm of the suit was not perfect yet, with thrustors not calibrating correctly just yet. 

"Actually, my brother does the spy stuff," Clint said, "Laura knows about the Avengers stuff though, so no biggie."

Tony blew a raspberry, "What?"

Clint nodded, turning another page in his book, "Yeah, Laura gets worried, but-"

"No, no, the brother!" Tony leaned back in his chair, "S.H.I.E.L.D. knows everything about each of us on the team, are you saying you had a secret candy stash at camp?"

Clint had the elegance to look at least a tad sheepish, ducking his head, "I shouldn't have said anything."

"Tell me about him, what's he like?" Tony pressed. He rested his elbows on the table, keeping an eye as more code ran across his screen. Audi, Bangalore, all names from past projects and existing companies were listed but Tony ignored it. He liked to think this brother looked like Clint, maybe he did something boring at hus spy job- coffee guy, receptionist....

"He's a government operative," Clint chuckled, "And before you ask, no, he won't share his toys with you."

Tony groaned. Ugh, fine. Clint could be boring, Clint could live with his perfect little family, on their perfect little farm and screw the Avengers, he guessed. He turned back to his computer, cracking his knuckles, ready to type when he saw it.

"Hey, did Natasha go on a mission recently?" Tony asked, sliding the laptop over to Clint.

Clint frowned, "No, Fury didn't give us anything to work on."

Odd. Tony knew the farm was an undisclosed location. No satellites could pick up their location, no GPS signals ever went out- so what was it? Onscreen, hidden amongst the code was blocky red lettering, flashing brilliantly against the blue screen:

"S.O.S." Tony read aloud, narrowing his eyes, "I think the rest of these are numbers- zero, zero, seven?"

Tony picked his head up to see Clint looking quite stern, his blue eyes cold and calculating, as if they were back on the field. The book sat open in front of him, his fingers still on the page but it looked like he was ready to rip it in half.

"Legolas?" Tony tried, "Talk to me, what's up?"

"James," Clint announced, "What are you doing here?"

Tony scoffed. Clint had to be playing around; they didn't know anyone named James, and Tony was prettt sure if they did, they'd be dead due to fighting or aliens or whatever else Thor's brother threw at them.

Well, no, that wasn't right. Rhodey's real name was James, but Tony never called him that. 

Footsteps sounded heavily behind him and Tony jumped at the hand that suddenly slammed down on the table next to his laptop. He could feel someone just a hair away, leaning over the back if his chair.

"Nice to see you too, Clint," a suave British accent sang in Tony's ear and Tony felt his bones turn to jelly, but he kept his eye on Clint, who sat smugly across the table. He licked a finger and flicked the page, eyes never leaving the newcomer. "How's the wife?"

Clint shrugged, "At the park with the kids. How's the boyfriend?"

"Not my boyfriend," the man chuckled.

Tony was surprised at Clint's laugh, the book now fully ignored.

"The way you look at him says otherwise," Clint chuckled.

A deep rumble sounded in the man's chest, "He's my boss, Clint."

"Semantics," Clint brushed the worry away.

"Inappropriate."

"Idiotic?" Clint offered with a furrowed brow.

"He's got spots," was all the man offered before removing himself from Tony's personal bubble. A chair screeched as it was dragged across the floor and Tony found himself looking at a somewhat older version of Clint.

If Clint had high cheekbones, insanely blue eyes and a posh British accent wrapped up in an eclectic silky gray suit. Clint himself was wearing his usual Hawkeye gear, all purple and black leather while Tony cursed; he knew he should have worn that new Armani Peper had bought him, it was always a good go-to outfit.

"You know, not that this isn't nice," Tony coughed, "But who are you?"

The man fixed what looked like gold cufflinks on his wrist, giving him a shit-eating grin as he said "Bond. James Bond."

"Again with that shit," Clint rolled his eyes, "You gotta come up with something new if you wanna win Q over."

"I bought a gun back in one piece last week and he nearly swooned on the spot, does that count?"

"Eh. Try bringing back a guy's finger, in one of those fancy necklace boxes," Clint said.

Tony balked. What?

"I don't think he would appreciate the smell after a few days," James sighed fondly, "Perhaps I should stick with a taser- evergone needs a good taser."

Tony felt a headache starting to form in his temple. Good God, these guys were psycopaths- well, Tony already knew about Clint but whoever this James guy was... real piece of work. Onscreen, the message was still flashing, the red making his eyes water the longer he looked at it. He tapped a finger on the formica table, catching both men's attention.

"Alright, Golden Oldie," Tony coughed, "Sorry to bug you but why are you here?"

"To put it simply, I've been given a mission," James said plainly, as if it made perfect sense to whatever this was. 

Tont bit his lip, slowly turning the computer around, "Would it have anything to do with this message? Good timing on that, by the way, really lends to the whole aesthetic, old school spy or whatever it is you're going for."

Tony watched as James read it, slamming his palm on the table with a loud curse. 

"If we've had another breach I need to contact M," James was muttering to himself, "Moneypenny might be able to help but.... Fuck! Fuck, shit...."

Tony caught Clint's worried glance, the archer moving to clap James on the shoulder, "What is it, James?"

James gestured to the screen, "My designation, 007. Either we've been compromised or Q was taken."

Shit. Kidnapping, that was.... that was rough, Tony supposed. He still wasn't entirely sure what was going on, but Clint seemed to know enough, already running through scenarios with him as James reached over and began typing furiously. His hands flew in a pale blur over the keys, quick and efficient. 

Tony raised a hand, "Sorry again, but what was compromised? Who's Q?"

"My brother here works as 007 for MI6," Clint explained as James worked, "And Q is hsi boyfriend-"

"Boss!"

"- who is the Quartermaster, he's like their tech support when those guys are out in the field," Clint ignored James' insistence.

"You're British Ops?" Tony asked.

"Did the accent give it away?" Bond said through clenched teeth.

Tony didn't say anything, letting James work. As a kid he read a lot of spy novels, swashbuckling adventures of men in trenchcoats wooing beautiful women and saving an ambassador from assassinstion. In the books, those men were always clean cut and handsome and....

And James Bond was all of those things, Tony realized as he took him in. He was all of those things but he was related to Clint. 

God, what a nightmare. 

"Why don't you just replace Q until he comes back?" Tony suggested, wincing when Bind gave him a glare that screamed "Are you fucking kidding me?" 

"Q runs the entire Q-Branch of MI6," Bond hissed, "Without him, we're chance to ruin."

"Right, right," Tony nodded, voice going queit as he mentally kicked himself. He could hear Clint still poking fun at him- "Maybe you'll be able to sweep him off his feet for once, I doubt he gets out of the office much"- while Bond kept typing away furiously, muttering something about stupid computers.

The more they mentioned this Q guy, the more Tony thought he was ninety-nine of James Bond's self control. 

After what seemed like an eternity, Bond made a noise of triumph, almost smacking the keyboard in his haste. His face was lit up ecstatically, a wicked gleam in his eye. 

"I sent a missive to M," Bond announced, "He told me over comms he had Moneypenny trying to trace Q's whereabouts so once that's finished, we'll get going."

Tony scratched his ear- did he just hear right?

"I'm sorry, where do you think we're going?"

"Tony," Clint said with exasperation, "It's my brother-"

"That you didn't tell me about!" Tony said.

"The Avengers are off duty anyway since the Sokovia Accords!" Clint shot back, "Let me do this? You know you want to join."

Damn it, Clint was right. He still didn't really know what was happening, but family was family. Tony knew Clint would return the favor and with the Avengers trying to fix a bunch of different national relations, why not play around with the British government?

"Alright," Tony heaved a sigh, "Fill me in, Golden Girl."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many unfinished fics but here i am whoops

Silva was supposed to have died.

On that tiny island in China, with his bodyguards and run down buildings and Severine's corpse, Raoul Silva was supposed to have died. Bond came back, in all his gray suited, blond haired, blue eyed glory and handed in the steering wheel of the Aston Marston and announced he had some family business to attend to. 

So Mallory let Bond go, having Eve go through mission reports with him, leaving Q to sort through the weapons and computer s as he saw fit. Q-Branch was empty for once, Q having allowed his minions to retire early that night, so he was the only one cursing st a computer as he tried sorting through corrupt data. He was the only one who absentmindedly swiped at tablets while sipping now cold tea. He was the only one who sat under a harsh fluorescent light as he worked.

So he was the only one who was present when someone reached around from behind to smack what felt like duct tape over his mouth. With a shove, Q managed to toss whoever it was away, scrambling to type at his keyboard.

He just managed to get his message out before he heard Silva's ever familiar snarl, and then there was a hand gripping his neck, dragging him away from the computer, leaving the safety of the Q-Branch office.

Hopefully someone got his message was Q's last thought before Silva's disgusting blond hair filled his vision and he was clocked upside the head.

\---------

MI6 was a lot neater than Tony expected. With secret agents, he expected secret flying cars and multiple shooting ranges to test out whimsical gadgets. Being England, maybe there was a throne for the head of the department- God save the Queen and all that, right?

Instead, Tony was met with a sleek office space, all silver and ivory fixtures with bright interrogation lights. Glass windows were everywhere, showcasing sleek offices and Tony was giddy as they passed by a garage full of beautiful classic cars.

"Bond! There you are!" A voice echoed down the hall, and the three of them turned to see a man in a blue tailored suit stalking down the hall; his black oxfords were sharp against the linoleum floor. 

"Mallory," Bond met him halfway, "I got the message. Where are we?"

The man- Mallory, Tony's brain supplied- ran a hand through his ruddy brown hair, "With Q-Branch empty, Moneypenny is doing her best, although Q's algorithms are.... complex, shall we say."

Tony smirked, "You want complex come meet my A.I."

"Tony!" Clint jabbed him sharply with his elbow.

Mallory looked upon him with disdain, "And who are these fine men, Double-Oh Seven?"

Tony scoffed, "You don't know who we are? Who I am, even? I'll have you know-"

"This is my brother Clint," James cut him off with a glare, "And his scruffy friend is Mr. Stark. Q's message came through Mr. Stark's computer."

There it was again. Q this, Q that, Q, Q, Q! Honestly, what was so great about the guy? Tony figured he must be one of those old timey men, with hunched shoulders and graying hair. 

"And how did you come to receive such classified information, Mr. Stark?" Mallory waa sizing him up with the look in his eye, Tony knew it. What was it with all these people glaring at him like he was a speck of dust on the bottom of their shoe?

"I dunno, has your little Q hacked into my Iron Man databases yet?" Tony stepped forward, his tone challenging. From the corner of his eye, Clint slapped a palm to his forehead.

"God damn it," he heard Clint mutter. 

"Our 'little Q' as you so put it," Mallory hissed through clenched teeth, "Is a matter of international security. If he goes down everyone goes down."

Tony felt his lip curl, "You got into my systems. My firewalls are unhackable- you want a suit that's fine-"

Mallory's face was contorted with fury, his cheeks beet red as his voice rose, "If Q is gone you won't have your bloody suits Mr. Stark!"

"Alright, alright," Bond pulled Mallory back, "M, we need to keep a level-head about this. Clint and Mr. Stark are here to help."

Mallory was glaring at them again, "Clint is part of those Avengers, correct?"

Bond nodded, "Yes. But the team is disbanded for now. If possible we'll try to contact the English branch, for now, we have them."

"Wait, there's a British branch of Avengers?" Tony piped up.

Clint snorted, "You really don't pay attention do you?"

Tony shrugged, "Got better things to do. So, who's Moneypenny and when do we start?"

A click of heels on the tile and Tony couldn't help but whistle. A tall woman was approaching them, with mocha skin and a head full of brown curls. She wore a yellow skirt and white button up top, a tablet hidden in the crook of her elbow. Bond was first to approach her, giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Moneypenny, what have you found?" Mallory asked.

"After your debacle in China," Moneypenny cleared her throat, showing them the tablet, "it seemed Raoul Silva made bis escape through an explosion. You can see here he fled through a trapdoor under one of the fallen statues here."

Tony held his breath as they watched a man in a white leather suit slipped behind a cracked statue. He swallowed uncomfortably as he noticed a dead woman hanging limply by a rope.

"Severine," Moneypenny explained at his uneasy gaze, "An unfortunate casualty."

"And who's uh, Swiss Cheese there?" Tony tapped the image of the man onscreen.

"Raoul Silva, former Double-Oh Six," Moneypenny explained curtly, "He has been a thorn in MI6's side since Double-Oh Seven came back from the dead."

Tony scrunched his nose, "Oh yeah. Because people do that all time time!"

"In our line of business, sometimes it is better to lay low," Mallory said, "Raoul Silva is an example of that."

Clint nudged Bond, "So why'd he take Q then?"

Tony didn't like the silence that fell upon the three agents. Mallory's face was clouded with anger and Moneypenny cleared her throat awkwardly, averting her gaze back to the tablet. Bond's eyes had clouded over, a faraway look on his face.

This was probably worse than Tony thought.

"Alright, well," Tony clapped his hands loudly, "Clint and I will help in any way we can."

Mallory crooked his finger, the slap of his shoes thundering in the empty corridor accompanied by the click of Moneypenny's heels.

"Follow me, then. To Q's office."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly writing shenanigans between Bond and Clint is my fave part of this fic and I live for Confused!Tony

Raoul Silva was a despicable man, Q already knew, but he seemed to up the ante. He woke in what looked like an empty warehouse, with a cavernous echo and dingy gray walls. It wasn't the same as the island in China, Q knew as much- instead of a multitude of computers, there were only two, both sitting stationary in the center of the room. The tape was still sticky against his mouth, pulling at the tiny hairs above his lip and now that he was paying more attention, Q could feel a rough hand on his wrists, to olarge and big and gripping too tightly to be nice.

He was ushered forward, and Q could hear Silva's polished shoes tapping against the floor as the man pushed him into one of the chairs. A small click, and Q could hear the tear of tape with a knife. Before he could even wring out his wrists, however, Silva pulled the right wrist forward, along with a shortened cuff and chain.

"Alas, this isn't under better circumstances," Silva's accent was sickly sweet in his ear, and Q wanted to flinch at the spittle hitting the shell of his ear, "but Bond and I have some unfinished business."

Q wanted to asked why. Why he thought he could get to Bond through a measly techie, of all people. All he did was sit at his desk and write code; all he did was fret over the state of his weapons when an agent returned them and Bond always was quick to leave when he saw Q rearing his head at the sight of yet another Walther either missing or damaged. Q chuckled to himself; those arguments were entirely Bond's fault, no doubt. The man couldn't seem to get a job done without causing trouble.

"And what's so funny, darling?" Silva chuckled, making Q wince as he ran a finger along his chin, "Bond's stupidity, I hope?"

Q simply glared at him, stealing a glance at the cuff Silva clutched in his hand. It was a single pair of cuffs, the chain shortened considerably- if he was able, maybe he'd be able to grab them from Silva, he hadn't been tied down yet-

"You try anything I have men waiting just outside," Silva grinned as if reading Q's mind. He probably was; the man had an uncanny affinity for being at least one step ahead of everyone else. Pursing his lips, Silva leaned over Q's shoulder, pressing his chest into Q's back as he slowly, (almost lovingly, Q thought with a shiver), snapped a cuff around Q's skinny wrist, the other affixed to the arm of the chair. The length was only four links long, leaving Q unable to do anything with the arm but struggle uselessly; the metal bit into his skin and the rattle of the metal seemed to laugh at him as he tried to pull away. Even with his free hand, Q knew he wouldn't be able to attack or do much damage- he had always opted to forgo training with the Double-Oh agents in favor of fiddling around in the labs with R or having tea with M when they asked.

He really wished he had gone to at least one self-defense course now, as he heard Silva laugh openly at him, as he felt the beginning sting of a shallow cut on his wrist from the cuff.

"You're funny, Mr. Quartermaster, I'll give you that," Silva hummed, moving to perch himself on the edge of one of the desks, "But I need you to send another message."

Q gave an agitated growl- what did he want now? Wasn't China enough? Wasn't killing the old M enough? Blowing up the original MI6 headquarters? Using Severine as he did?

"I need you to tell Bond that I have a bone to pick with him," was all Silva said, hopping off the desk now to move and push Q's chair closer to one of the computers- the one on the left, he noticed, the other sitting blank and blue-screened to his right. The chair made an ungodly screech as it was jolted across the floor, stifled by Q's weight, no doubt. He tensed when Silve grabbed Q's free hand and guided it to the keyboard, using Q's hand to tape a few keys and suddenly the screen lit up with-

"Look at them all," Silva sighed in Q's ear, watching the very tech labs of Q-Branch back in MI6, "Bond and M running around like chickens without heads!"

They watched onscreen as M showed a man with dark hair the computers Q had been using before he was grabbed. He didn't look like any of the minions in Q-Branch and R would never be caught dead with those perfectly awful Ray-Ban sunglasses. He could see Bond in his wonderfully tailored suit as well as M looking generally frazzled. The man with the dark hair and sunglasses looked familiar- almost like one of those heroes that had recently appeared in America- but the man in purple and black looked startlingly like Bond, with schooled gazes and blond hair just like Bond as well too.

"The new look is quite dashing on him, don't you think?" Silva teased in Q's ear and this time Q didn't try to hide his disgust as he sharply yanked himself away. "Definitely a nice look but I will miss the suits."

It took a minute, he realized, to figure out Silva's mistake as the man commandeered Q's fingers once again to tap away at the keyboard.

Silva thought the man in black and purple leather was Bond.

That wasn't good. Not good at all, he realized as Silva made him pull up a video feed, the camera of the computer grainy as it was trained on his and Silva's faces. The box in the corner was waiting to start the video call.

"Now then," Silva licked his lips, "Let's say hi, shall we?"

\--------

Watching Tony futz around with this Quartermaster's computers was like watching a kid being let loose in a candy shop. whoever this guy was, he had it all- servos and laptops and plasma screens and holograms that surpassed even Tony's imaginative capacity. Mallory had first shown them the lab and Tony was falling all over himself, diving into Q's work and picking through bits and pieces of half finished projects or small assignments.

 "Please do be careful with that one," Bond chastised Tony as he picked up a half-beaded string of orange pearls. Next to it was a twinkling aquamarine stone. "Miss Moneypenny doesn't like when people touch her things."

"Only if it's Q!" Moneypenny sent a wry smile Tony's way, "He's a very good boy."

Clint watched as James scoffed, Tony following suit as he went to touch the aquamarine stone.

"Unless you want an elephant's tranquilizer dosage shot into those hands, you'd best not play with Q's things," Mallory was the next to warn him.

"Alright, point taken," Tony withdrew his hand, eyes widening as he no doubt found something more dangerous to play with. Clint was right, following Tony's gaze to see him pick up a rather large flamethrower off a table. From the corner of his eye, Clint could see Bond startle visibly, Moneypenny hiding a laugh unsuccessfully behind her perfectly manicured hands and Mallory paled considerably, shaking his head.

"Tony, I think we should stop playing for now," Clint caught his attention, then turning to Bond, "You said your guy was grabbed at his computer?"

Bond nodded, gesturing for them to follow, leading them back into the computer room. Tony's face was brighter than Clint had ever seen it, which was saying something because the guy thrived off gloating. Iron Man this, Iron Man that, oh yeah going to space... seeing tech more advanced than his own was a very exciting prospect to Tony, so while he didn't want to ruin his fun, they had a job to do. They were standing in front of Q's personal computer apparently, and Clint could see signs of a struggle. There was a mouse hanging precariously off the desk by the wire, pulling the PC closer to the edge of the desk. Clint could tell it was a decoy, though; everything was so high tech in the building, why would the guy use such a low-tech computer?

He was proven right when Mallory righted it, clicking the mouse once and a blue holographic keyboard appeared, seemingly connected to the largest screen in the room; another holograph projected on the glass wall across from them, a black plasma in place to fool anyone who didn't know better. The screen flickered and before anyone could do anything, a small green phone icon appeared, the ringing sound echoing in the lab.

Mallory was quick to answer it and suddenly they were face to face with a man in a white suit and an atrocious dye job, looming menacingly over the man who must be the Quartermaster.

"Q!" Bond called frantically, fists clenched at his sides.

"I'm afraid our little Q-tie can't talk right now!" the man dared to laugh, shaking his captive's shoulder, "He's a little tongue-tied right now."

Tongue tied indeed, Clint thought with a bad taste in his mouth. Q was sitting in an armchair, visibly shaken but uninjured. A pair of glasses were askew on his face and swaths of silver duct tape were slapped onto his mouth. One hand had been cuffed to the arm of the chair, making its presence known when Q tried to wriggle his wrist out of it. His skin was pale, chin quivering oh so slightly as he was likely panicking. Clint couldn't blame him- he looked like you stereotypical computer nerd, all brain now brawn.

"Bond, I must say," the man onscreen crooned, "I'm liking the new look- black and purple leather? Unexpected."

Wait.

Clint looked at his brother. He knew they looked similar, but they couldn't be that easy to mistake, right? Tony looked like he wanted to laugh, but one look at Mallory's intense glare and Clint cleared his throat, stepping forward.

"And you look more and more like a cockatoo each day," Clint dared to reply. Q yanked on his cuffed hand again, the man moving to grip his chin so hard they could see nails digging in a little too sharply.

"Funny, James, really," the man smirked, "You won't even say hello to little Q? He misses you so, I must say."

Clint's skin crawled as he watched Q's gaze dart between himself and his brother, but he was a pretty good actor; it looked like he was trying to take in everyone standing there, the short huffs of breath the beginnings of a panic attack as he vigorously shook his head, trying to convince them not to come. To stay back and stay safe.

"What is it you want, Silva?" Clint was surprised at the confidence in his tone, crossing his arms as he cocked his head.

Bond was just to his left, lips pursed and fuming. Well, Clint supposed they'd have to live with the mistake; hopefully they'd be able to use it to their advantage. Silva's face was split by an unsettling smile and his sneered as Silva moved to hold Q's head close to his chest, petting the man's thick dark hair. Tony didn't even have anything to say, uncharacteristically quiet as they watched.

"So glad you could be cooperative, James," Silva purred, "I need you to come crack a code."

Clint raised an eyebrow, "I don't see how a Double-Oh agent could do that. You have our Quartermaster right there, after all."

Q gave a muffled noise that was ignored as Silva clicked his tongue, "Yes, well, while he's been fun, he isn't much of a talker. I daresay he needs some motivation to work with me, don't you?"

Clint squared his shoulders, "And what do you suggest? I doubt you want to meet for tea."

Silva looked almost as if he was considering it, "No, but tea would be nice, huh? No, just a little inspiration for our mutual friend here to do what I need him to do."

With a curt goodbye, the screen went dark, a red icon flashing on the screen.

Well, shit.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!! Yay!!

Tony didn't think the Quartermaster would look so young. He had pictured an older man, with pockmarked skin and thining white hair- maybe some droopy jowls and a saggy neck? But no, the man in the video had been young, with clesr skin and skinny wrists and a mop of black curls. 

"So... I thought he'd be older," Tony broke the silence after Silva hung up on them. "Anyone else think he was gonna be older?"

Bond slammed a fist on Q's desk, making Clint jump. Moneypenny frowned at him, while Mallory had a faraway look in his eye.

"What? Why is everyone so quiet?" Tony asked, "We need him back? I can go in with the Iron Man suit. In and out, no problemo."

Mallory shook his head, "It was never about Q. Double Oh-Seven, Silva wanted you. To hurt you, most likely-"

"Well I hurt his ego severely in China," Bond snorted, "And now he has Q."

Tony shrugged, "Again, I can just use my Iron Man suit-"

"I'm afraid we can't go in guns blazing, Mr. Stark," Moneypenny said, "We need to be stealthy about this. Obviouslt, Mr. Barton, Silva believes you to be Double Oh-Seven."

Clint grinned, shaking his head, "No way."

"It's a good idea," Moneypenny said, "He obviously couldn't tell the difference."

"I'm not a Double-Oh! I'm an Avenger!" Clint protested, "Those are two very different things!"

Tony smirked; Clint was good at what he did, but looking at his brother (it was still weird to think Clint had a brother no one knew about), he knew Clint wouldn't be able to pull it off. Where Clint was stiff in his gait, Bond almost seemed to glide as he moved, everything calculated down to the letter. Clint had a tendency to jump in, fire his arrows and flip out of the way of danger. 

But Moneypenny had a point- they could use Silva's confusion to their advantage.

"I have an idea," Tony yelled above the agents as a fight broke out among them. They fell silent, eyeing him warily.

"And what exactly do you propose, Mr. Stark?" Mallory asked, taking a step forward."

Tony grinned, giving Clint and Bond a mischievous look. 

"Alright, listen well because if we want to grt your Quartermaster back, we gotta be fast."

\-------

Bond really hated this. He honest to god hated this. Here he was fixing his brother up in a fancy suit, and Moneypenny fretting over Mr. Stark with aome fancy gadgets and one of Q's adorably atrocious sweaters. On Q, the dull tones made his pale skin stand out in the bright lights, made his lips look that much more tantalizing.

On Tony Stark, however, Q's sweater looked too stretched out, pulling furiously at the seams to accommodate for muscles Q didn't have. Stark didn't have the same demeanor it took to make the look work, with his over-confident airs and smug grin as he held his chin high. 

Bond hated it. 

"These things are itchy," Tony whined as Moneypenny did the final button on the sweater for him, "Whaddya say we leave it here and go do something fun?"

"I've installed a camera on the middle button," Moneypenny explained blandly, "And shall I remind you that Q is a matter of international security."

"Right, right. Isn't he a little too young for you, Jamie?" Tony grinned.

Bond clenched his fist, "The Quartermaster is thirty-two. Old enough to make his own decisions I think."

Clint barked a laugh, "You said he had pimples!"

Bond knew his face was burning, but... God why did his brother have to get under his skin like that? He ignored him, choosing to fiddle with one of his cuflinks. Thankfully, Clint let it go, but Tony seemed to have other ideas.

"You into nerdy bookworms, Bond?" Tony grinned, "Didn't think you were the type-"

"Are you here to judge my taste in men or are you going to get my Quartermaster back?" Bond was surprised at the growl in the back of his throat, "Because let me tell you, brown is not your color."

"Oh, but it is Q's?" Tony teased with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Alright, alright, stop ribbing James, that's my job," Clint jabbed Tony, then to Moneypenny, "What's the plan?"

"Mr. Stark here is going to go in first, pretending to be a placeholder for Silva," Moneypenny said, "Then, we're going to have Mr. Stark use these glasses to keep in contact with HQ here."

"These aren't for show?" Tony asked.

Moneypenny shook her head, "Q designed them to send video and audio feedbsck kf necessary. You can also switch to thermal, night and infrared vision if you click on the left arm."

Bond watched Tony fiddle with the arm, an awed glint in his eye, "And what about the right one?"

"A small tranq dart," Moneypenny grinned.

"Oh, I can't wait to meet this guy," Tony beamed, "I mean, I already loved him when I saw the fancy car and the flamethrower, but these are wicked-"

"Save my Quartermaster first and we'll try to set something up," Mallory strode into the weapons lab, a tablet under his arm, "Last I heard, he was working on either an exploding pen nib or something along the lines of a necktie shank."

Bond balked, "He promised me an exploding pen!"

"Not if you keep losing his Walther guns at the bottom of the Hoover Dam," Moneypenny grinned.

"That was three times!"

Mallory rolled his eyes, "Squabbling like children won't get our Quartermaster back. Finish getting your American friends ready and get them on the plane. We leave in five."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!!

Tony could feel his skin crawling with every step he took. Q's feet were at least one and a half sizes smaller than his own,  squishing his toes into the pair of slip on fancy sneakers Tony wore. The sweater wasn't faring any better, the seams digging into his armpits and itching his skin. 

"Almost there?" Tony hissed, reaching up to fiddle with an arm of the glasses. Immediately, the lenses switched from normal to thermal, showing off layers of blues and greens. There were two red dots in the distance, telling Tony he must be close.

"A few more steps, Mr. Stark," came Miss Moneypenny's voice over his earpiece, "To your left should be a door. Go through it."

 Tony followed through, grimacing at the grime sticking to his palm as he pushed the door open; he raised a hand to the glasses, feigning adjustment as he found himself walking into a rather large parking area. There were no white lines drawn on thr ground and he could see two computers sitting smack in the center- and there was the infamous Q's head of unruly black hair as he was sat uncomfortably in a rickety high backed chair. 

"There's our guy," Tony whispered into his comm, "Silva's here too."

"What is he doing?" came James Bond's voice, "Tell us everything."

"Pushy much?" Tony dared to gloat, "Your guy is still in the chair, but I'm staring at the back of his head. I'll have to get closer to send you a proper feed."

He could hear slight scuffling on the other end, Moneypenny arguing with Bond about something but Tony found himself distracted by something in the corner of his eye. 

"I see they sent another of you computer geniuses to get our mutual friend!" Silva's catcall made Tony jump, "Don't be shy now, do come say hello!"

Gritting his teeth, Tony walked briskly forward, his feet sharp against the worn blacktop. Q didn't look like he was moving at first, Tony noticed as he got closer, but he could see the slight rattle of the cuff as he jerked his wrist about. 

He saw the flash in the corner of his eye again as he let Silva pull him forward, bodily shoving him into the chair next to Q's. Rony risked a look at the Quartermaster: he didn't look any worse than he had in the video; his wrist look slightly inflamed from irritation as he tried getting out of the cuff, his clothes slightly rumpled. Tony could feel Silva's eyes boring into the two of them, daggers continuously dragging into his skin and Q's sweater was starting to make him sweat a little. 

"You know," Silva sighed, perching himself on the edge of the table, the toe of his boot poking into Tony's shin, "I've been in MI6 long enough to know every name and face in the agency."

Tony swallowed, "Hard to believe I would forget a face like youra darling."

Silva chuckled darkly as Q made a noiy protest, "See, my dear Q? You could learn a thing or two from our friend here."

Tony could hear Moneypenny and Bond back in his ear, but hr ignored it in favor of watching Silva reach over and take Q's free hand in his rough one, grimacing at Q visibly shiver as Silva ran his thumb over his knuckles.

A classic seduction technique he'd used on many models in his hey days, but watching someone use it to intimidate, on someone physically smaller made Tony want to throw up. He couldn't deny Q was a good looking guy but Tony found himself squashing down the urge to lunge at Silva, to push him away. 

"Your minion may not be as pretty as you, but let's hope he knows hoe to do what he's told," Silva gave Q a sickeningly sweet smile, then to Tony, "Let's have some fun, you and I."

Tony ignored Q's muffled protest as he shrugged, giving Silva what he hoped was nonchalance as he crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair.

"I dunno," Tony shrugged, "I have plenty of options at home. Don't see how your little Macintosh computer here could offer me anything good."

Silva pursed his lips, and Tont wanted to grin at the vein starting to bulge in Silva's neck. The slight tremble in his shoulders told Tony he had the guy as angry as he wanted.

"Don't try to anger him any further, Stark," came Moneypenny's voice in his ear, "Clint is in positon, making his way to you now."

"Awww, is baby angry I insulted him?" Tony teased, cocking his head, "You know, I expected a bit more, considering-"

SMACK!

Q's head snapped viciously to the side as Silva slapped him open handed across the face. Hus glasses skittered across the floor and for a minute Tony froze, watching Silva clean his rings on Q's shirt as three thin cuts bloomed red across his cheek. 

"Terribly sorry, dear, I just..." Silva glared, "Don't like being kept waiting. Surely, you understand?"

Tony nodded quickly, "Y-yeah, man. Crystal clear." With a wide grin, Silva reached behind himself and ran his fingers along the screen until the tell-tale power up noise played, echoing eerily in the lot. 

"So glad we understand," Silva beamed, "Now, I know Bond's here. He has ten seconds to reveal himself before I start our little gme without him."

Tony swallowed, looking at the red spreading on Q's cheek from the corner of his eye. 

He hoped Clint knew what he was doing.


End file.
